im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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