why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
