Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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