my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
