just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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