I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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