just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
