kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
