You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
