She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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