evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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