these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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