On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
