is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
