he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize