He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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