It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What drink are we having for lunch?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
