note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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