I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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