My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
