um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
