Plan B is the new Plan A
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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