The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
