he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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