his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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