he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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