All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to make out with him forever
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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