you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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