oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
