Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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