Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
