Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
