just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
