You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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