you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
