Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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