:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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