I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
