Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
