i just wanna soil my oats bro
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
