Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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