Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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