At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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