I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
In America we eat man semen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
