it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize