Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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