i just wanna soil my oats bro
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
