that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
