I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need a burrito and a hug.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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