DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
