I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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