Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
