I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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