I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
