hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
