I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
