So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
