I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im on a boat
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