dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
