Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
