I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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