Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
