i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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