apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
