i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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