Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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