You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How external is "for external use only"?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
