just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
