I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
