Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
honey bunches of taint.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
