remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
