Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
