Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize