so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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