Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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